Laundry and a bag of guilt.
Somedays it feels like laundry is trying to take over my world. As if, the world has come to an end and all that is left everywhere is Laundry. Does not help either that I also found a charger and a mouldy, half eaten piece of garlic bread inside the laundry basket.
Motherhood is a full time job and it comes with its own bag of mixed feelings of helplessness, exhaustion, being overwhelmed and a huge huge huge side serving of guilt in almost everything. And yet there are times when I end up feeling completely useless, that is how it is for me. There are episodes of too much chores, laundry, food, cleaning, and in between all that sudden attacks of extreme laziness. I mean the blues get me so bad that I can literally spend the whole day under covers doing nothing, but that also does not happen. So the result is me dragging my feet around the house whole day and furtively looking at the door at times, plotting about ways on how to run away. Yes, run away from my life. I do get these blues from time to time. I don’t know how it is for others, but some days are like that for me. Luckily, not all days are like that. And it helps that hub understands and really goes out of his way to make me feel comfortable. But the guilt thing even finds a way to sneak in there. So I end up feeling guilty that why do I not try more to understand what he is also going through? Rather always just dump all my baggage on him. Hah. See there is no way to win from this ever present guilt. So there it is, the bag of laundry is akin to my bag of guilt.
Thankfully, hub has motivated me enough to find an hour of me time everyday. Free from everything. This one hour is an hour in the evening at the gym currently. And I am grateful for that hour. It does not take away my feelings of restlessness, neither does it take aways any of the thousands of stressful thoughts that are always running around in my head, but it does make me feel lighter, both in body and mind and I am thankful for it truly.