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So I decided I need a mixer grinder (obviously!) to be able to perform my duties as the CEO of the kitchen. We had just been married and I had moved to a new town with my hubby, trunk and vanity case in tow. My mom n dad gifted us with a lot of pots and pans and crockery sets etc so that I can feed my sweet hubby and make him a happy man. Mum even gave me a pestle and mortar.

I have always loved cooking and beautifying the house (yes it is a word) but God is my witness, even with all the practice I have had at home making,  I was not at all ready for what was gonna come.

Well, in the first week I realized that a mixer was the most essential appliance for practising the art of gastronomical expeditions.  So off we went to the market in search of the appliance. Now the Mixer grinder is a very basic appliance, right, with a big Jar, a small jar and an even smaller jar for chutneys, this is what is there in most homes, and you can grind away almost anything, and if you are used to Indian Cuisine then probably you do grind everything, and I do mean everything.

So we went to this big glitzy shop with so many lights and mirrors and a shiny façade, it had to be a good place right?

I started sniffing around for a good mixer, and then came along the sales rep, the knight in shining armour, come there to show the path to us new fools, on the onward journey of homemaking.

His wisdom shone upon us and he directed us towards this ultra-modern appliance which had just come to the counters, it had super powers; ie. It had an extendable arm contraption, one which would do the impossible task of holding down the jar while I frolicked around singing tralala around the kitchen.

Silly me, I always had thought the jar was held on to the mixer by magic.

He told me what a great relief it is going to be for me and we started dreaming about the innumerable things I could do with my free time while the jar whisked away whatever I was whisking at that opportune moment;

  1. As pointed earlier, do my frolicking singing tralalala around the kitchen
  2. Get rid of my silly old clothes that I still hold onto and throw them one by one from my balcony
  3. Get rid of the broken cup kept inside the sink counter for which I have found no worldly use (Read the post script about What to do with Broken cups for extra knowledge)
  4. Stare at my neighbours kitchen window with binoculars
  5. Go read my spouses watsapp messages hehehe
  6. Think about some more inane posts to write

This thing also had a timer, a lock, an arm, many many jars with awesome blades which seemed they had come out of the movie Matrix, I mean I was floored, I went looking for a mixer and lo and behold I was getting a robot, one which would take away all my kitchenly (yeah that’s a word too) woes.

We promptly bought it and tucked it under our arms and made our way back.

Once back home we basked in the glow of our newest expert purchase and decided to revel in its glory. Out came the ingredients for a chutney, washed and chopped and ready to be turned into edible mush.

So the jar was put on , timer set, Iron Arm put on the Jar and onto the glorious journey.

What happened next was like the scene from Hangover’s morning (the suite u remember), the ingredients were now a mural on my kitchens ceiling, an abstract art which will take a lot to come down, we were dipped in what was supposed to be a dip, and the mixer was in a mood akin to road rage, AHH, you ask why did I not turn it off???

Ahh simple human, I could not turn it off so easily, you see I had set a timer, for my own good and the Kitchens good.

Many kitchen mops later, we settled down and took a stock of what had happened, the Mixer was so powerful, that the arm was required to hold it down, given that you hold that arm down with all your might, Literally.

After quite a few trysts with my friend and many splattering s later, it seems to have cooled down a bit and does acknowledge me as a friend sometimes, though I have given up hopes of frolicking around but spend my time now holding that arm down like my life depended on it.

I don’t have chutney baths everyday now and the walls are much cleaner.

Same with my state of the art washing machine, you would say, now what did I do with this particular appliance so essential for keeping the society clean in appearance?

Well I got the best washing machine , oh yes I did, Only problem was I did not understand its psyche, for washing it does need water right, but there was the problem, this one refused to accept any.

The moment you turned a wash cycle on, the pipe which I had jammed into the tap with all my might, came out shouting like a banshee and went on to wash my chutney stained self with jets of water.

So after spending so much time holding onto my Mixer’s arm I spent the rest of the time holding onto this very,very agitated Pipe, mopping the floor, the ceiling, the walls, and everything else in sight.

And yes, being very powerful and mighty, this machine danced around and hopped all across the floor while spinning clothes, while I tried to do a tango with it, and fell in the water and slipped, and cried and wailed until I chanced upon the magic phone numbers printed on the side panel and called and started telling my woes.

It was like they were waiting for my call, immediately I was told, worry not , help is on its way.

Enter another shining knight, this time he brought chain and shackles to tie this wild beast posing as a washing machine,

Actual chains, I kid not, which were used to tie up the prodigal pipe to the tap, there was washer on it and a tiny lock,

You see, because Sir washing machine was used to take water at frequent intervals at very high force and of letting go very abruptly, the pipe did not hold, so we had to lock it onto the tap and for the dancing bit I was given a stand which could be fixed on the ground when the machine was doing the dance.

SUPERB!!! Wondering why I wasn’t given the contraptions in the beginning? Because the knight mentioned, of course without fixing onto the tap you will not be able to use the Pipe, Maybe I needed to be humbled and learn to respect my mechanical friends, which I do now, really.

Also when I saw the chain, I realized my machines were being domesticated, my wild friends got tamed ultimately. Three cheers to me.

P.S. What to Do with Broken Cups

I could not do these as I was busy holding the Mixer and Sir Washing Machine.

  1. Use to hold water while painting
  2. Serve Tea in it to people you don’t like
  3. Break it some more and put it on display, and tell people it is an antique
  4. Try selling it to a pawn shop as an antique
  5. Use as a pen stand
  6. Use as dish to mix hair colours
  7. Stick some thingumajigs on it with glue and call it art, use seashells , odd-shaped rocks etc
  8. Try selling it online, everything sells online
  9. Suggest more uses if you know
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