Motherhood is a revelation everyday. Some days it feels like I have it al figured out and under control and then on other days I feel like everything is in chaos. Motherhood is a journey of new experiences everyday and each day you learn something new. It is the hardest thing you would ever do and yet motherhood is also the most blissful time of one’s life. I have been on this roller coaster ride of my life for a few years and still I am not sure how to define it completely.
I have been holding onto this picture for the past two weeks & I keep looking at it at intervals; while I am in office, at home, in the middle of some work. This is my little baby who is not a baby anymore. He is still a toddler as per definition but he will be starting formal school soon. And it hasn’t yet sunk in that my little baby is now a little boy. Why is time suddenly moving at the speed of light years? They said that the days are long but the years are too short, how right they were!
Some days the journey of motherhood looks so hard
There are days when we both come back home & for some reason everyone is hungry as soon as we walk in the door. While I try to swiftly whisk up an omelette for him & a cup of coffee for me he hangs around my leg, stepping on my toes, me tripping over him while he tries to show me all his toys at the same time. He also wants to go to potty at the same time & I have to stand & listen to his dragon story while the stove is on. At that moment, time seems to be moving so slowly. I have to tell myself then that he won’t be so small & won’t need me always. Those days are long.
Some days motherhood feels like heaven
Sometimes at night while he is sleeping. He rolls over & curls his arms around me & snuggles comfortably inside me, hugging me tightly. My heart fills up and I want to keep living in that moment. I tell myself then, soon he will grow up & won’t need me always. At that moment time feels like it is moving at a lightning speed. These years are so short.
The moments are flying by
The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activities & a flood of emotions, the latter one on my part. Sickness, personal commitments & the anxiety of finding the right school had left me & hubby praying for a moment of relief. And in between all this, something happened which none of us (read ME) was prepared for.
As per his birth date, Baby A wasn’t eligible for nursery admissions last year for this year’s session. He was falling short as per the cutoff. We may have managed to get him in, if we tried really hard, as some schools do grant leeway for a month or so & take younger students. But then he would have been the youngest in his class, in a big school & I don’t want him to do that. Why to put him in a class when he isn’t even eligible as per the age criteria? Why put undue pressure on him? Thus we waited for this year’s admissions so that he can start nursery from next year’s session. He would also make the cutoff this year.
So we started the whole process of making excels, checking websites & online forums, scheduling appointments for school visits, filing up forms as & when they started coming out. I filled the form of a school which I really liked & we went for the formal meeting. My baby’s first interview, just a casual interaction. Anyway, he got selected & we were informed that he is through. Then we realized that I had filled the form for last year by mistake, i.e. the session which has already started. The one he was too young for! Some seats had opened up now & that’s why the school had put them out on site & I mistakenly filled that.
Yeah, turns out, I filled a single form that too a wrong one for my son’s school admissions. So much for preparing for this from past 2 months! Quick decisions had to be made & a lot of turmoil (mine) followed. He will be the youngest one in his class. I am still not sure whether I am ready to let him go so soon but he seems to be ready.
Me being me I told my tiny bug, “You are growing up so fast, soon you’ll leave your mumma & fly away. ” Well, guess what he said, “Mumma, feed me less less, then I won’t grow so much and stay with you” ❤️⏳
I hugged him hard and tried to hold onto that moment while my heart felt weirdly heavy and mushy.
These days are long but these years are too short.
Let me hold onto these moments a little bit more tightly.
Until next time,
Love 💖 Smita