Welcome to 2020. We are dealing with a Pandemic called the CoronaVirus and have made it to April’20 amid a world wide health crisis and Lockdown.
There is a feeling of being stranded in limbo, which comes from this forced Inactivity. I am trying real hard to just keep hanging on right now. I feel this deep sense of inertia which is hard to trudge through. If in normal times I function at a 10, then I am functioning at a 2 right now. I have switched on my Low Power Mode.
I am not doing great. Lately, It has been hard being great every day,every minute. However we try to make this feel light, this is a traumatic experience. Trying to cope with it has been overwhelming. And after struggling with it in various forms since the past one month, I feel that I need to share this. So that if there are others who may be feeling like me, they can find it ok to say that we are not OK. It is ok to be scared, it is ok to be overwhelmed, it is ok to say so.
Here is the thing, If in normal times my productivity, willpower, willingness is say at a 10, then right now, I am functioning at a 2. I have switched on my Low Power Mode & I am trying to survive this as best as I can.
I am not totally ok, it has been tough.
Some days I find myself fine & other days I am crippled with a deep sense of uncertainty which at times makes my limbs feel numb. The world is collectively going through a traumatic experience & though I have been keeping my spirits up, I find myself unable to be unaffected by this shifting chaos. The world order as we knew it even till a month back is crumbling a bit all around us. Keeping away from news & updates is good for your sanity & a relaxed break from social media helps me calm down.
But even with all the peppiness that people are trying to build up it doesn’t take away from the fact that there is a going to be a massive impact of all this on the future of the world. Lives, Economies, Jobs, Education, Social Infrastructures, Financial and social Security, quite a few things will be negatively affected. Lives are being lost & the numbers being counted are real people. The threat of hunger, always looming large over the poor now threatens to become more sinister.
I am grateful for the fact that we all are safe & I am aware of the privilege which brings me that safety. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that I am fearful too. I am scared of a lot of things; the unknown, the uncertainty & the feeling of being stranded in limbo. Which may be comes from this forced Inactivity? I am not sure.
Yes I am aware that I have a golden opportunity right now to spend quality time with my family. Yes I know I have the luxury to sit down & finally do all the things I have always wanted to do but didn’t have the time for it. Like finish all those half done paintings & art works which went inside a closet post the birth of my son. But I don’t want to do all that. I am trying real hard just to keep hanging on right now.
Inspite of all the added workload of office, home, chores, homeschooling & everything in between, like sanitising every single thing which is being delivered at our doorstep. (we are lucky to be still getting deliveries & thus haven’t had to step out even once during the lockdown). Inspite of it I feel this deep sense of inertia which is hard to trudge through. Inspite of being lucky to have food & basic amenities available to me right now, I find them less appealing. Things seem to have lost their beauty & taste.
I am aware of the need to stay positive right now & I am doing my best to keep my spirits high. But I have been faltering at it from time to time and I just want to say that it is ok to feel like this.
You are not alone if you feel like this.
A pandemic is taking place right now & you don’t need to hide it if you feel scared. It’s ok to feel scared. It is ok to talk about it, it is ok to cry and break down too if you are feeling overwhelmed.
Don’t keep it bottled up or fight with it alone. Say it out loud to someone if you need to do that. It is a traumatic experience for many and it is not your responsibility to turn it into a positive one. You don’t owe it to yourself to change this into a highly productive opportunity. If you want to take it one day at a time, then do just that. Take deep breaths and hang in there.
Talk to a loved one.
Stay away from too much news and fake updates.
Try to keep up with your normal routine and find some time to relax.
Exercise, Read, Listen to music, Laugh, do whatever makes you happy.
Stay safe and this too will pass.
If you want to speak to me, drop a message on my Instagram page, I am there for you.
Love 💕 Smita