We talk a lot about gender equality, equal opportunity, gender neutral parenting; We are evolving & accepting the growth everyday. But here is something that irritates me no end. When people tell me that I am lucky that my husband does household chores and feeds the baby.It is rude to say so. Why you ask? Well, will you tell him, that he is lucky that I earn money & bring it home? No? Coz that will be rude right?
Then by what logic do you think that a man doing household chores is a magical incident?
Gender Inequality in household chores : Housework Gender Gap
Women working and taking the responsibility of finances is part of women empowerment. Then by the same logic should it not it be that a man who knows how to do household chores is also empowered? Why are we so unfair to the men ? Why is it that we treat this behaviour as something out of the ordinary?
It is this ingrained patriarchal thought that makes men, who do participate in hosuselhold chores, shy away from owning up to it. Yes! Ridiculous as it may sound, there are men who will share the responsibility of housework but never let it be known to their friends or colleagues. They will always say, “biwi ne kiya hai”.
Because mentioning that he washes clothes at home will make him look like a “Zoru ka Gulaam” (wife’s slave) and it will hinder his masculine picture. A Man is supposed to be Manly. So a woman will hide the fact from her In laws that her husband cleans the baby diapers while she is busy finishing her work project. Coz she knows that her MIL will be shocked to know that her son is made to do such things.
Gender inequality is Ingrained in us
This is also the reason why men only see themselves as helpers in all household chores and the woman is the manager or CEO somehow. Why?
Why do we say Men help? What don’t we say Men do?
Like you, even I did not do any special courses on home Management. I did a course in Business Management.
Like you I also know what to do at my job.
Like you I also step up at the workplace and try to prove my competence.
And I have to do that at home too?
Why is it so?
Why can’t men also know what has to be done around the house?
Why is this intelligent man who steps up & jumps at any responsibility to prove to his seniors that he is the man for the job suddenly at loss in the kitchen?
A man Is supposed to earn and the woman is supposed to take care of man. Have we really changed this thought? Have we been able to do it? Have we let our men change or are we holding them prisoner under the chains of ingrained inequality and then blaming them?
Gender Inequality: Are women themselves ready to change it?
So women of today, request you to stop being grateful about a man sharing the responsibilities.
Like colours, even Roles & Responsibilities don’t come assigned with gender.
Today couples share roles, the man of today is groomed, knows how to do household chores & is equally participating in taking care of the family.
He is smart and has evolved and so has the woman. Let’s accept it.
And if your man is yet to learn it then may be he hasn’t been told. Please ask them why don’t they know what needs to be done around the house? They surely know their way around their work place right? So they aren’t dumb, & you aren’t a superwoman. She ain’t real, please try not to be one yourself. You will not get a medal for it ever. But you will be overworked and over stressed.
Read here Why I am not a Perfect Mom and Why that’s Ok
I have a cook, a maid and my husband ‘helps’ a lot. Yes I know, I am ‘lucky’ but you know what? even after that I have so many things on my mind on any given day.
What will be cooked for dinner tonite? Which vegetables are over? Need to put the leftovers in the fridge. Need to throw out the leftovers from the fridge. The living room cushions and curtains need to go to the dry cleaners. Need to put washed clothes in the cupboard. The microwave oven needs to be deep cleaned. Need to book the pest control guy. Need to remind my husband to cancel the extra broadband connection. Buy Rakhi gifts. Tell cook to use less oil; again. My list is endless , as is yours.
This is because we can’t really relax and let go. We can’t concentrate on doing one thing alone and not be thinking of so many things that needs to be done later. Yes we are stressed; we can’t let go. The least is we can do is stop pretending that it is all our responsibility. Let’s promise this women’s day that we will be normal women & not super women.
15 Best Time Management Tips for Working Mothers
My husband is not ashamed to say that he is the one who does the laundry mostly at our house and has changed more poopy diapers than me. This is his gentleness and responsible nature that makes him more man to me. So much so, that he is the man I want to be married to in each lifetime. There you go then, I ended up making the women’s day post about men. How’s that for gender equality ? ?
Until next time,