Woes of a working mother

Today’s blog is not fun but about sharing some pain and the woes of a working mom. I have many a times expressed my admiration for mummies who stay at home and have decided to take a break post baby. Reason for that is when I had to sit at home for 2 months (when we relocated to Delhi, and I was searching for a job and getting baby A acclimated to a new day care); I realised that taking care of a toddler whole day, alone, is a more daunting task than I could have ever imagined. I did not get a single minute of free time, (my son sleeps very less 🙄).

So first let me tell you what are obviously the great things about being a working mom(these strictly apply to me; no judgements pls)

  • I always knew I will not let go of my career. It is something I am & I can’t be apologetic for this. I work not for some one else or some lofty reasons but because I need to & I want to. Compromise with career was never on the cards & personally not acceptable. This means that I haven’t ever been ready to accept a smaller or even less challenging role. Yes one thing is sure, as you gain experience you do get a better work life balance. You can call the shots and expect a smoother life; this is one main reason that I planned to have a baby a little late. 10 years of experience under my belt means I do have the luxury of making my own choices career wise & I don’t have to compromise. I can choose the job that suits me & I want. Experience does offer much better opportunities. Touch wood

 

  • So I get to keep my swanky job and drive home a pay check matching my expectations.

 

  • I also get to have my cofffe(black) in peace & participate in adult conversations

Also since managing a work life balance needs extreme time management here are my tips for it for working moms

 

  • I get to dress up/ make up & have the satisfaction of doing what I love

But every coin has two sides ; this one has flip sides too.

And now the Woes of a Working Mom

Every day I open the Live streaming app for my sons daycare and see him snuggling in the lap of a Didi (caregiver)  while drinking his milk. I see a Didi stroking his back while he falls asleep. And everyday I shed a tear or two. I touch my phone screen and try to send the hugs I can’t give him whole day through my screen.

Every day when we go to sleep and he falls asleep in my arms; I put my nose on his nape and breathe in the smell to keep with me the whole day. As I know I can’t hug him when I want.

Every day when I wake up; I keep staring at him and try to memorise every bit of his face. As I know I can’t see him whenever I want.

Every day I worry a bit more that maybe the people who are feeding him are not as coaxing as I would have been.

Every day I am ridden with fresh guilt when I think about the countless untold stories, unsung songs and unshared giggles. He laughs & I can’t even hear it

Everyday I feel like a failure when I am unable to do the countless activities which have been saved from Pinterest (no supermom here)

Yes it hurts; the pain is real and the guilt massive. Yes I know, it is stupid to feel guilty but I don’t know how to stop. Sacrifices are part of life; whichever path we choose right? I chose mine. No regrets but the pain is there. Being a mom has its pains & I wanted to share mine with you. Now you know.

Until next time,

Love

Smita

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